twila da gurl who waz in luv wit a vampir comenary
by Harry Potter fan 3000
Summary: it's been doen before but i just had to do it
1. Chapter 1

Paste your documenhay guyz my nami is Twila Beautiful PSyco Topaz Cullem. **well would you look at that a self insert story, how original **i go 2 skewl in waschington wif da SEXIIEST VAMPYRE EVER, hiz name iz edward cullen n he iz sooo sexii n hot n gerad way mite play him in da movi TWILITE!1 omfg i wuld hav an organism **you would have have a what now **lololbut neway dis iz mi stori its called XXX TWILA, THE GURL WHO WAS IN LUV WIF A VAMPIR XXX' ok btw im gothik n so is edword so we wer ment to b ok!(**thats nice** so haterz bak off n if u lyk bella den fuk U! ok thanx 2 my editar, Midnite Cullen (dnt get ne ideaz shez not marred 2 ed, she iz maried 2 jasper)**you, you have an editor...really** plz plz plz giv me reviews plz i wuld lyk dat, this is da 1st time i eva rote a stori, btw my infleuence is enoby darkness dementia ravn way! i fink she iz da best OK ENJOY GUYZ  
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx TWILA, DA GIRL WHO WAS IN LUV W/ A lwt VAMPIRxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx   
CHAPTER 1  
Hi my name is Twila Beatiful Psyco Topaz (not cullen yet, bcuz i ddnt meet edward yet) n i live in waschington wif my sister Midnite **twilia and midnight what's wrong with your parents**. we liv in a dark house that iz far away from every1 els n we r vampires.**well then **we feest on blood n no1 else noes dat we are vampirs. not evn are mom wich is y we moved away to b by ourselves **again, what is wrong with your parents **. yes we r LONERS.  
i go 2 a hi school n every1 finks dat im really hott, **well someone's modest **i hav strait blak hair nd topez eyes n mi sister midnte is da same accept she has magenta eyez. wear lots of blak makup on mi eyes even tho i hav dark ciircles under my eyes, (a/n ok if u think thats lame then FUK U, edword has dem too and steraphie myers sed hes realli hot ok.) i dnt lyk any1 at mi school, **you like deward you iddiot** i am a missenthrop (a/n loook it up) that menz i hate other ppl accept midnite. one day i met a realli sexi vampore named EDWARd CULLENS he haz realli white skin lyk me. he is satan's gift to dis planet (a/n I DONT BELEVE IN GOD I AM N ATHEIST. i thnk saten created dis universe god bles u satan u r alwayz in mi heart.) **that is not what an atheist means you dumbass and i would know, i'm an atheist **  
so anywey i met him i nda skewl n he was wif some fukking ugli ass bytch named bella swann. she waz soo stupid n she kept fallin out of her seat.  
edwward lookd at me lyk wtf is dis gurl doing. i smiled at him sexi and aventerous n he new rite away that i wuz a vampir, i culd tell from his eyes wich were da same collor as mine.  
"Heyy" he sed walkn away from bella. dere were some gay ass ghetto ppl in his way doin da SOLDA BOY CRANK DANce **the what?** n he jus lookd at dem with his dethly eyes n they iran away. i realy hat cliks n gheto ppl fink they r kewl, i giv dem the middle finger in the halwayz n itz l;ke YEA HUS TUFF NOW LOL **i have absoulty no clue what that says **rite neway edward n i sat 2getha at da lunch tabel n bella stard at us wif dat poser jakob. ed ddnt pay ne atencion to her at all. he told me al abot how he iz a vampir n his dad carlose **the cullens are hispanic al of a sudden **wnated 2 meet me. n his sisters alice, rosmarie, jasper n emet all luved me rite away **what what did you meet them **n his mom esmi wnted 2 meet me 2. **how do his parens know abot you didnt you to just meet **so we kut skewl early n went to his realli big house in da woods n jasper is realli big and muscelar so he jst nocked down all da treez in da way. when we got there carlose came to da door imedately. he gasped in surpise at my beauty  
"You Must be twila, my u certenly r attraxive" he teasd me seductevly.**o god pedofile alert is tes going to be one of those stories were everyone falls in love with the main character **ed, jasp, emet, alison n rosaline all growld at him angrly, all sensitive becuz they liked me 2 **od dear it IS one of these stories **besidez it wusnt fare cuz he was alreadi married.  
"Yea thats me lol" i told him and bowed (a/n dats wat they do in japanese becuz its polite)t=  
"nice to met you i said.  
"So i hear ur a vampir, cum in my house n we can talk about it." **yes just an your avarage everday convversation **  
I waz sooo excited n i ran in quikly in every1 followed me, we were alreadi frends. **well that was fast **  
XXXXXXXXXX END OF CHAPTE 1XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
PLZ GUYZ TELL ME IF ITS GUD **you make stephenie meyer look like a world class writer **


	2. chapter 2

LAMERZ BAK OFF OK. mi engish is fine **you my friend, are delusional** u dnt hav to b a bytch about it u fukkin homos. if u lik bella i sed not 2 red cuz u wuld be offenced.**i hate bella and i'm offended** i red dis book a lot of tims i fink i no der names.**really** and wateva u say, DUNT DISS TARA GELSBIE. OK. SHE IS A FUKKING GRATE RITER OK HERE IS CHAPTA 2.  
XXXXXXXXXXXXX CHAPTER 2 XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
Wen i walkd in2 da house edward disapered and den appered at da piano (hez a vamprie he kan do that.**so he IS Cedric diggory** he storted 2 play Famous Last werds by mi chemical romans **o ya i know that band, they were all the rage in the clasical age**. i started 2 sing in my beatifull voice "Wel i kno that i kan make u stay, wel den were iz ur heart? were iz ur heart?" every1 gasped, even tho they were vampirs they didnt hav voices lyk me.**what dose being a vampire have to do with singing well **  
OUT of nowere **i'd put the emphasis of nowhere but to each their own **they all jumped up nd tried to tak off my cloths. "WOT R U DOING?" i creamed. **but i am noticing you didn't run away** deir eyes were red n they had all turned in2 savagez. den they stoppd and confused.**yes they stopped and "perplexed or bewildered', that makes total sense ** "Sorry Twila." edward sed. "sometimes wen we c some1 we kant resist we turn in2 beasts. it wnt hapen agen" puting bak on mi clothe."Itz ok a lot of ppl r attracted to me" **wow you're just getting more humble by the chapter **i excplaned. they all understod. "it must be ur blood" sed carlose in horrofied. "Beauty, u hav the most rare n exotic blood in all da world, evry vampir wil want to drink it.**whe is a vampire she doesn't have blood**  
itz much betta den that other gurls, wats her name?"  
"Dat bytches nam is bella" sed jasper growling. Midnite**l where did she come form? ladies and gentlemen introducing midnight the magical teleporting sister ** hugged himso he wuldnt get 2 angry n apper in bellas house n strangle her wif 1 tuch of his finger cuz hes realli strong lyk da hulk.  
"twila, i wnat u 2 marri me" sudenly screemed alise hu was a plebian.**i think you used the wrong word here**  
edward rowred at her, furius n all protective n sudenly... he htransformed!  
"OMFG NOOOO" i shouted cuz i dint want ne1 2 get hurt.**you could have fooled me** eds shirt bursted opened wif mussels. his topazz eyez turnd pure blak with strengt n energy n he jumped at alice "TWOLA IS MARRING ME ALREADI"**wait did you even ask her yet, and you guys just met ** he sed wif his voice was booming n all da windows exploded n da glass rained down lik in dat avril laven video wer she punches da miror n da glass all flyes out around her. He storted 2 fite with alice to da death over me. "Guyz guys" i suddenly compromized **considering compromise means to come to a solution that all parties like, i don't think you can do it by yourself** "Guess wat srry im not a lebian."**i have no words **  
alice started 2 cry tearz of blood. "Y r her tears blood" i asked all curios "Oh no this is bad" said emet hu had been in da bathrom da hole time. **he sounds like my little brother, that kid takes forever in there **  
"wen we cry our tearz r blood n its da blood of our victims, shez losin blood n now she wil be thirsy agen. RUN" **wouldn't twila know this since she is a vampire, just saying **Alic tryed 2 jump at me and tare my flesh but i movd out of da way n she attakd rosemarie instead hu was prety but she waznt as prety as me **thanks for the information ** n her throat flew open. **yup her throught turned ito a bird, or a bat, or an airpalne**n blood poured out everywere n alice ate it. "Ohh mi satan" i said heartbrokn becuz i causd so much truble. edward jus laughed "its ok babe" he said nd kissed me for da 1st time!**wait wait, you two got engaged before your first kiss, don't you think you are going a little too fast ** (He had turned back from blak ed to white ed (a/n HEZ LIK HOTSANHARU FROM FRUITY BASKET) n he was calm agen.) "Shez a vampir, shell just cum bak 2 life." **wow for a vampire, twila's really clueless about vampires **so they sedeted alison n she fel asleep n rose came bak 2 lyf. we had berger king 4 diner bcuz i had 2 hurry. **but vampires don't eat human food **n then i went home thinsking of edword the hole time and how his flami hot lips felt on my. **felt on your what?cmon dont leave me hanging ** his body waz so warm n i culdnt wate to c him agen.**god i think my eyes are bleeding, **  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX END OF CHAPTA


	3. chapter 3

**AN: my friend will be joining me for on on she dosn't have a FF account so we decided to collaborate **  
**my comments are bold**  
_hers are italicized and underlined_  
story is normal

OK PPL HU REVIEW 2 SAY SHIT ABOUT MI STORI CAN GO FUKK DEMSELFS. **i bet many of them w..o never mind **my stori is beleiveble u just hav 2 keep readin n u can c y!1 but to ppl hu gav me good reveiws, THANX U GUYZ ROKK_i doubt they do_333 LUV UCHAPTER 3  
"Hey betch wat r u doin home." midnite asked. **aw isn't she sweet**  
"u hav 2 promise not 2 say nething..." i sed nervly n midnite laffed n sed "hu wuld i say somthing 2, we r loners remeber?" **o yes because that is clearly something people forget **  
"o yea" i sed and told her evrythin dat hapened. she gospedwen i told her abot edword kissing me. **wait a minute wasn't she there **"SO WATE" she scremed "R U GUYZ IN LUV NOW OR WHUT? **what is this , a disney movie **  
"ya were goin 2 homecuming 2getha."i showd her my blakk dress wif lace n leather n my spiky black shoez. "edword sed he liks dese." we laffed happy 2gether n danced arond da house. we were so happi 4 me.i sang tenagerz by mcr._skipping and sining are two of the most gothicc actvities i can think off_**yes happy dancing is the ultimate sign of "goffikness". **den ... DA DOOR NOCKED! **on what?**

"TWIL WERE R U. sum1 asked frum outside. i went 2 da door n it was alison. i scremed. IF U FUKKING TRI 2 SUKK MI BLOOD AGEN ILL GET ED i told her. she bast in2 tearz. midnite quikly jumoed up 2 defend me but i told her to go awey bcuz i culd handle alis. **getting Edward isn't handling it Twila**

"ok y did u cum here." i sed. alisenz blody tears dint scare me. i new she had enuf blood 2 last cuz of wen she attaked alison. **something's wrong with this sentence but i can't quite put my finger on to it ** "i felt sooo bad 4 tring to drink ur blood" she histericly cry. _i am too, that must havetasted awfull _"i wnted 2 alopogize wif a present."  
"All i wnat in dis world is edword, n i hav him so noting u can giv me matterz." i shucffed at her. But den ... she held up 2 TIKKETS 2 A MCR CONSERT! **when did she have time to get them, i think she was passed out like an hour before this **_probably got them on the black market_  
"OMFGGGGG!111" i was static. i grabed dem from her n gave 1 2 midnite. "actully" alison wimpered "1 was suposed 2 be 4 me. so we cold go 2getha"  
"But i wanted 2 go wif ed" **o and i suppose midnight is just holding it for him**i shoted. i imagned his beutiful face wif his blakk eyliner n blakk lipstik. n his smexi bodi.**.o god i think i am going to go into the corner and throw up now **_i'll get you a bucket_ OK alison sed. "we can jus tak mi hole family. esmet realli luvs mcr 2" **and where did their tickets come from **  
so we went to da consert n ed n i had innercoarse on da way. evry1 tought we wer so cute.**ew, ew ew o god that's so gross **

"THIS NITE WALK DA DEAD" scremed gerad way. den... EVENIEZENCE KAME ON! dey sand a duet wif mcr. den dey sang sum more stuff.  
emet had an ejaxclamation **...i don't even know what to say **in da audience n sudenly HE TURNED IN2 A BAT. "OH SHITTTTT NOOOO" EDWard sighed. **wow lack of grammatical logic at it's finest **"dis is bad too twola, dis is realli bad." all dis bad stuf kept hapening wile i was wif dem. vampirs turn int2 batz wen dey r realli exited n evry1 wuld no his secret but no1 cared cuz dey wer all gothz. _even if WERE a goth i think i'd care if somone turned into a bat right infront of me _gerad lookd at him from da stage n he jumpd down thru da crowd n came over 2 us.  
"He bat."**well no f***ing kidding, gerad or gerald or whatever your name is in the story ** he sed in his fukking killer voce. i CREAMED **wait... what?**_twila this is no time to be backing_so loud bcuz i luvvv gerad wif all my lyfe. his makueup waz runing bcuz he waz cring cuz dey sang helen (a/n dat song is abot his grandpa hu dyed RIP GERARDS GRANPA)**yup because clearly "helen" is a VERY common male name** but he glarced at emset n tuched his wings n he turned bak.  
gerad went home wif da cullenz bcuz he nd emet becam bfs. cuz dey fell in luv. i was sooo jealous but ed got angy n i told him i luv him so it waz ok. WE ALL WENT HOM N I GOT GERARDS AUTOGRAF. **to quote Shego from Kim Possible "woo hoo, extra hoo"**  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX END OF CHAPTE  
PLZ GUYZ GIV ME MOR REVEIWS I FINK DIS WAZ A REALLI GUD CHAPTER **this was the worst one yet **_sure people will give you more rewiews, telling you how awfull your story is _


	4. Chapter 4

**a/n sorry if i make any editing mistakes, it is really hard to check my comments with the sea of red squiggles around them **  
OK PPL I AM NOT A TROL! I AM A VAMPIR OK GET IT STRAIT **face palm**  
THANX FOR DA PPL HU GAVE ME GUD REVEIWS U GUIZ ROKK  
CHAPTER 4  
I was walking down da halway in skewl wen i saw Ed wif... bella!**dun dun Dah **  
she waz askin him sumfing n cring all over da place. "Wat is goin on" i snared n edword hugged me n sed "Its ok i waz tring 2 ignore her butt_ya that thing HUGE _**woh, woh you have a girlfriend, that is not appropriate**  
she wnt go away."  
"Plz plz edmard" she cryed. "I realli want 2 go to homecumin wid u. i go evry year wif no date n now im in luv wif u **you don't even know his real name** nd i want u to b mi date."  
STFU edward sed.**isn't he sweet, a regular charmer **  
"Cant u see dat i alredi hav a date. Dis is my gf TWILA."**wait did he call you he gf like pronouncing the letters **"Yea u better bakk off." i told her. "odderwize thingz mite get messi._"yes they're going to trow red paint everywhere_  
She ran away screming.  
"So hav u cn Esmet?' i assed him.**i would hope so as they live together ** "He waznt in homroom 2dai" "Yea ummm Tqila, he transforrmed out of da skewl so he culd go on tourz wif Gerad."**wow..just wow **_how do you transform out of somewhere, not even captain Kirk can do that _  
"But hes a vampir1" i was socked at dis.**your were shocked that he was a vampire**? "Yea but ur a vampiir 2." ed sed. "o yea." i sed. **wow that is like me forgetting i am female,or have aspergers syndrome or live in New York **(a/n I DINT FORGET I WAZ WATING 4 DA RITE TIME TO BRING IT UP AGEN.)**sure you didn't sweety **_i'm sure any time would have been better too bring it up than in school, i mean somone like me might have been standin there with a tape requrder gathering evedence _  
so we both turned in2 batz n flew 2 class (no1 noticed)**wow, these kids are more cluless than my classmates, and i go to a special edd school **_this is wasington school for the blind and deft_  
When skewl ended i went in2 my car and drove hom. Wen I got der my sister was geting maried.**well tha was fast**

"OMSG R U GETING MARIED 2 JAZER."**who the F**ck is this Jazer person, i thought she was dating jasper**  
i culd not beleve t.**neither can i **

'yea' she smeled_like what?_. "I luv him n he iz goin 2 live wif us now."**well no Sh*t sherlock **  
I storted 2 cry becuz ed n i wernt maried yet. Midnite trid to hug me but i shot her away_wth an ak47_,

bcuz her lif waz so much betta dan mine. "Im alredi 16 n im not marred yet." tears swam down mi beatiful face.**um twila, sweaty, i'm almost 18 and i haven't even had a boyfriend yet, that's not so bad, in fact i think getting married before 16 is illegal **  
Suddenly... dey al shoted "SURPISEE!1" Midnite n Jasper wernt getting married... IT WAZ 4 ME AND ED! (a/n dey got mared da next day insted).**ladies and gentlemen introducing the marriage sensation that's sweeping the nation, surprise weddings **  
"NO WAY I was sooo inflated.  
Edward and me had an atheest ceremoni in my hose.  
So we were huband and wives.**Edward's a polygamist?**_wait isn't that illegal in Washington_ Midnite, Jazper, Esmie, Emet, Gerad, Rose, were all dere... but so waz... ALLICE!**o the drama, it's to much**  
"I hope ur not mad dat me n ur brother r married." i sed to her gothikally **question, how dose one say something gothicly **after da wedding. "I told u that i dunt lik u that way, im not lezz."  
"Sigh" she knew.**wait did she say 'sigh" or just sigh, i'm confused **  
So we all went 2 a party n had lots of blood._what kind of party did you uys go too_ Then we went bak to mi house. Some1 rang the bell n i answered it, making out wif Edword."**what a ..wonderful image"(vomits) **_well that's one way to drive away salesmen_  
"Y DID U MARRI HIM YOU IGNORANIUS." shoted da guy at da door.

It was Bibby Brown. **Bibby brown...that...that's just priceless **  
He ran in on his weelchaire n Jacob flowed him.**well o.k. then **  
"Dont u dare tuch Twia." snotted Ed **he blew snot at them , that's just disgusting **. Every1 came 2 c what waz happening. "Why wold I toch her, shes hieneous" he glarred at me.  
"THATS IT NOW I HAV 2 KILL U." boomed mi busband. **wait you have to kill him because he called your wife ugly, you have to deal with these anger management problems edward **He turned in2 a savage lik da time i went to his house._the one time you went to your husband's house_  
I told him 2 stop becuz i needed to talk to Bolly n Jakob. **is bolly's surname wood, it he married to a woman made holly ** he stoped.

"Ok y dont u want us 2 be together y is our love so bad 4 u" i cried._because it's so stupid gave him caner_  
"Itz because... I CANT SAY IT." sed da guy in da wheelcher.**on, i have a bad feeling about this **

"JUST SPIC IT OUT." every1 sed. he began to cry histerical. "Mebe dis song will help u undersand."**seriously, is this a disney movie**  
**.**  
he started 2 sing in his crampy old voice "WELL I MIS U. I MISS U SO FAR. N DA COMMISION OF UR KISS, DAT MADE IT SO HARD."

Well gerald was FORIOUS becuz dat was his song n he started 2 attak him bcuz of copiright refrigement._that has got to be my favorite senc=tence so far_**snigger copyright reifigment snigger **  
(a/n I DNT OWN THE LYRCS TO DA SONG EITHER).

Ther was a big fite n i storted to cry "Oh no, ur in luv with me arnt u."**of coarse he is , your a marry sue, everyone is in love with you **

And Bobby Ran away from gerad n sed YES. Edword killed him.**seriously Edward i know a great therapist if you want me to introduce you guys **

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX END OF CHAOTER 4XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

**thank the bleeping lord **


	5. Chapter 5

IF U R LEVING ME LONG AZZ REVEIWS ON Y I RUNED UR LIFE DEN SORRI GET DA FUKK OVA IT.**no i doent think i will**  
i am gong 2 keep makin chaptas n if u report me den ur a lozer,_right twila were the losers_ ill just make a new accont.  
NEWAYZ FANX 2 DA PPL HU GAVE ME GOOD REVEIWS AGEN U GUYZ KEEP ME GOING. PLZ_plese just stop_ **i still don't beve you got good reviews **ENJOY CHAPTA 5.  
CHAPTER 5  
We didnt no whut 2 do wif all da blood from bobby brown so every1 just drank it off da floor. **o joy**We had weding gamez n shit **at the same time, that's just unsaitary**and jacob left cuz he waz angri at us 4 some resason **gee could. it be because , o i dont know, you kiled his dad **_no, that can't be it_  
We playd spin da bottle n GErard had 2 kiss ed. (a/n lol bi guyz r sooo hot)  
i waznt jelous cuz dey r both guyz.**wait, wait didn't you just say they were bisexual, wouldn't' that mean that they could be..o never mind ** But Emetr was deprezzed becuz Gerord is his bf. **his best friend i dont see how this aplies to the sit...oh, that's what you mean**We listened 2 Green day and he got cheered up.I was gong 2 sleep dat nite when i got posesesd by Saten. But it was ok cuz were friendz n he just doez dat sometimes as a joke._o that satin he's such a kidder_**this is the most ridiculous thing i have ever heard and that's saying something, i also read my immortal **

I asked him wat he wanted n he told me 2 kill Rosemarie.

"What y?" I new dat Ed would be angey if i killed his sister.**and yet he was ok when alice almost died**

"Becoz she is a blond prepp"_well that's perfectly reasonable _ sed satan suicidelly**wow what a great reason for murder and how does someone say something suicidaly**

So I went 2 der house in da dark n i knew wich was rosalyns room becuz da door was pink**how coudl you tell, i thought it was dark out** with pompomz hanging from it n a poster of Holary Duff. I broke down da door but inside waz... EDWIRD!**o dear god**  
"WTF IS GOING ON U ASSHOLE" i scremed "DIS IS UR ROOM?"

"NO LET ME FUKKING EXPLAN" he began to cry. Den i saw... ROSA WAS ON TOP OF HIM!**and just when i tought thigns couldnt' get any worce, she adds insest**  
"EW WTF U BUSTARD DATS UR SISTER!1" i exploded _the discharge and shrapnell going at 60 miles per hour _. I transofmed n began to tear da room apart n ripped all da preppy posters down._in this moment twila, i cat decide if you had an overreaction or and under reaction_  
I jumped at Rosalien n bit her neck nd she started having a sezure. Then she ran around **what is she a chicken **nd died. Ed kept crying.  
"Dis is disgusting" i said wif disgust.**well woudl you look at that it's lady redundant woman form wordgirl(a PBS kids show, it is acualy really good)**  
"I cant beleve it, u nd Rose." "Just listen ok" he pleased. "I culdnt c in da dark, I thought she was you."**wow edwar you about a shark as safety scissors **_wait edward you cant tell your wif from your sister, it is wasington school for the deft and blind _**well thatWOULD explane why he married her**  
"Yea rite like I beleve dat. We're getting a devorce!"**if your marrage ends faster thank Kim Kardashian's than you know tht's a problem** I waz so pissed. But den Edward got on his knes n sang "If u mary me, will u bury me, will u carry me 2 da end?"  
Nd I remembad da promise we had mad ova dat song when we got marred. We sed we wuld alwayz b der 4 each odder.**wow you forgave hime qickly contetering he was havign an affair on your wedding night...with his sister**

"Ok fine dis is ur last chance bittch." I ran out of da room nd saw Carlose in da hall. "Hey babez"_not at the table carlos_**o no not pedo bear again**

he laffed. "Im so much betta dan edward, y dont u come upsters wif me?" But I just ran away sadly becuz every1 wanted sumfing from me.**i want somting from you twila, i want you to acually folow through with one of you suside attempts **  
The next day was a bad tim becuz it was akward betwn me nd Ed._ ya the almost devorce might make it A tad awcward_ Nd plus Midnite was in da hospital from slitting her rists, becuz Jazper had called her a slutt.**and we are supsed to bepriesed about this because plus weren't they suposed to ge married that day**  
He waz getting realli moody all da time nd he acted jelous around me nd Ed all da time.**maby bece his wife almost died** I asked him abot it in skewl  
"Hey y da fukk did u mak my sister slit her rists." I roared. He sighed wif deprezzion nd sed "Im just not in luv wif her anymore, after u killed alic I saw ur true strength."_when did alice die, i must have mised that amongst the constant non-drama monologue_** of course another person is in love with you**  
"What r u saying?" I dint undestand. "Im saying dat i would rather b with u dan her. So I was hopping dat she wuld kill herself nd we wuld b devorced."**i dont think you understand how divorce works **_your thinking of a widower"jazer'_

"Omg i wuld neva b wif u in a million years, ur a terrible person..." i**i agree wit you on that point, i still hate you thoguh **_wow twila five"chapte's" into the story and you finally say something that make any goddamn sense _ sed wif tears of blood pooping down my pale face.**leaving long brown trails **  
I waz wearing violet fishnetz wif safety pins in dem and a red corset wif a blakk vest over it n a pentagram n lots of safety pins nd tight blakk jeanz _over your fishnets or under them... i give up_.**aht an amazing, appropriate time to describe your outfit **

Mikael, Jabob,Bella, n Jessa all gatered around us. Jasp waz so embarassed. A lot of da teachers came over n stared at me.**i would be to if i somone with tears"pooping" down ther face **_or if the were dressed like twila, princess of the mary sues_  
"Twila plz report 2 da principles office." The teachers sed strangly. So i followed dem nd da princple was der**o my god i would have never guessed **_in his own office to, no kidding _  
and he sed to me "Im sorri but we r going 2 hav 2 tranfer u to a diff skewl."  
"OMFG NO." sed loudly. "I CANT DIS IS WER EDWARD GOZ 2 SCHOL."  
"Yes," they admited uncomfortly.**she dose realise that most administrators dont give a sh**t about the student's personal life, it isn't their job ** "But ur causing a realli bad diserbance in da school. U c der is somthing... odd abot u. Nd no1 feelz comfortble wif u here so u hav 2 go 2 dat other school in Waschington, calld Mount Saint Prepz Acadamy. "**mount acadamy...that...thaats just pricless **_woh, woh, who, woh, stop this train wreck, you're telling me that in the entire state of washington there are only two schools and one of them is called mont saint prep academy?_

I culdnt beleve it. I waz nevr gong 2 see ed agen if i went dere.**is it a bording school or somthing** I jumpd out da windown ran home n took out a nife and cut miself**well didnt you hande that well ** Der waz blood all ova da floor nd i fell down and started 2 die._yes plese, yes_  
**yes o thank god, to quote the hacked chapter of "my Immortal"ding dong the sue is dead" **  
XXXXX 2 BE CONTINUED XXXXXXX  
**well never mind..darn i really wanted her to die **_well heres hoping the next chapter is just about her funeral_  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX END OF CHAPER 5XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
OK GUYZ SORRI FOR DA CLIPHANGER. I WILL UPDATE SOON. REVIEWS THANX


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: ok u noe wat prepz? im gong 2 rite mi stori betta so u guyz kan stup complaning abot chatzpeek.  
SO NOW U WILL HAV NOTHING 2 FLAMM ABOT HA HA.**um we will still have plenty to flame about, have you even read your reviews**  
nd btw stopp tellin me 2 use spellchek, becuz im using notpad nd it dosnt have it ok! **well here's an idea, don't use notepad microsoft word is on nearly every computer i've ever encoutered**  
midnite fanx for da good reveiws, n every1 else hu gav me good reveiws, u guyz rokk! TATA GLIESBIE I LUV U!** TaTa wow that is just... wow**  
PREPZ STUP FLAMMING!1 GOTHZ ROCK 666**we get it b**ch**  
CHAPTER 6  
XXX CONTINUD FROM DA LAST CHAPTER XXX **well no kidding**

When I woke up Deward was over me. "Twilla. TWILA!" he screwed into my ear _ew _**wouldn't that hurt**  
"Youre going to bearwe  
My long strait hair was all around me, I was laying on the flor. I was wearing a black spagitti strap shirt with a matching sweatshirt over it nd a blak jean skirt with MCR pins on it. I had on ripped fishnets and blak highheels that had spikes coming out of them.** wait did you some how change your cloths in your sleep**_she,s that magical_There were bandagez all over my arms and body **your arms are part of your body, why not just say all over my body, **were I cut myself _didn't you only slit your "rusts"._ You could c the blood coming thru.  
"Just fukk off ok?"I said with a sad smile **could you elaborate i am not exactly sure how that would work out **and I storted to cry. He tried 2 comfort me. He had his bronz hair in spikes with purple steaks **and aperanty he dyed his hair in the two hours since you saw him last **_well he needed somthing to do when she was in a coma_ in it and he had on white fondation on his sexah face.**i have no words(**_ I have some words, but I think they'd push the T rating )_ There were tears raining down from his topaz eyes.**yes twila tears come from your eyes very good,**_o.k. I can't stop imagining these giant topaz eyes in the sky, raining down water on their unsuspecting victims _"No plese tell me y you did this." He shooted.**because she does this like every day , for no aperant reason **_ya if your married /divorce/remarried to her it is something you will just have to get used to_  
"I dont want to effing talk abot it ok can you just bakk the fuk off!"**i understand your grouchy but he is trying to help you you dumb bi**h **  
I was so depressed. I got up off the floor and tried 2 run out the door but Edward stopped me. "WAIT!" he whimspered. **i'd figure that the all caps and exclamation mark would imply that he was shouting yet you said he was whispering... my brain hurts **_isn't,t it obvious, he whispered very, very loudly_"There is some1 waiting for you out there, itz not safe." His voice got all low and hott like a male version of Amy Lee in the begining of Goin Under.

"But I really need too talk to you." I begged pleasingly.**that is almost as stupid sounding as said suicidally ** "Lissen, I cant stay in dis school anymore."  
"WE CAN TALK LATER, WATCH OUT, SHEZ ABOUT TO BREAK DOWN THE DOOR!" Suddenly I turned around and the door smashed down. It was .. ... BUFFI THE VAMPIR SLAYER!( go get her buffy, show no mercy)(a/n fanx for da sugestion! 666 XXX)  
"Ahahaha, dont even bother," she said meanly. "You cant escape from me Twila Beatiful Psyco Topaz Sad'ness Cullen." **i can't figure out how she knew you name especially the random middle name you seemed to have added for no apparent reason**  
But I was to angry to even c her.**this gives new meaning the term "blind rage/'**  
"You now what Edword, u never pay attencion to me. Why dont you just go to Emett, so you guys can screw? **because he is on tour with "gerad" and my chemical Romans **Becuz you obviously dont care abot me."**uh sweetie he saved you life then stayed with you until you woke up, i'd say he cared**  
"NO PLEASE" he got down on his knees with dark tearz of sorrow. "Give me another chance"  
"Do you remebr what I said that nite."**which night?** He lookd at me all confused and sad, and Buffie started 2 take out her sword._(since when dose Buffy have a sword)_  
"I SED ONE MORE CHANCE AND I MEANT IT NOW YOU CAN JUST GET THE FUKK OUT OF MI LIFE BECAUSE YOU ONLY HURT ME."**what the hell was Buffy doing at this point she is obviously an imposter because if she were the real one you two would be dead by now**_many she's playing, cards, or mahjong_  
I took off da pentargram he had gotten me nd just before I was about to throw it out the window he ran over and hugged me and startd 2 sing "Cruxifiction in Space" by Marlin Manson. Dat song was so touching and I had to forgiv him._c,mon you didn't have to, I mean it might have been a great song but..._  
"Excus me were were we?" laughed Buffie da Vampir Slayer looking at us. "Look if u dont get out of here, i am gong to post dese pictures of u screwing Angell on the internet!" _oh, that's low , even for a sue _I shooted.**with what, a gun, a crossbow, a sling shot**  
She got scared becaus she didnt want 2 end up like that prep Pares Hilton.  
A lot of other stuff happenednd then Edword went home, we were still marred. **omg really, i never would have guessed **But I didnt get 2 talk 2 him abot transferring. I went home n listened to Panic At Da Disko  
and put on a blak nitegown nd put my hare up in a blakk skull clip. I went 2 take a bathe **wait you got into you pajamas THEN went to take a bath** but when  
"How did u get in here?" I asked shockly with anger. "I transported n, I have telekinisis." (a/n LIKE VOLXEMORT FROM MY IMMORTAL LOL.)  
So we took off our cloths nd you guyz can guess what we did (yea u pervs get ur mindz out of the glutter.)**don't tell us to take our minds out of the gutter when you basically asked us to put them there in the first place**

The next morning I woke up and I COULDNT BELEVE IT.**it must be something important, you actually spelled most of these words right **  
"OMFG ED WAKE UP RITE NOW." I scremed. He drove over 2 my house to see what waz **he could hear you all the way form his house, and if you're married wouldn't you to live together **  
"IM PREGGANT.**an how can you tell this, you never did a pregnancy test **_ once again she,s just that magical_  
I was crying. I started 2 kut my rists over the bandages with a razor. Just then da fone rang, it was the principal saying "Twola, ur going to be late for ur first day at Mount Saint Prepz Acadamy."**once again "twola" most administers don't pay this much attention to their students **_he's invested in her future_  
"THATZ IT THIS COULDNT BE ANY WORSE.**i beg to differ**" I flew in2 my bed and kept crying nd my pillow turned red nd black with makup and blood.  
"YOURE GOING 2 MOUNT SAINT PREPZ ACADAMY?" EDWARD YELLED. "I WAS TRYING TO TELL U THAT LAST NIGHT YOU IDIOTIC AIDS!"**now twila, i know your mad at him but you don't need to compare him to one of the deadliest diseases in modern history**  
I culdnt take it, my life was absolutely terrible and I had nofing left to live for._you hav your boyfre...husbe...mate and your baby_  
Edword tried 2 calm down and hug me but I punched him away._ that ghirl's got a mean left hook_  
"Please itll be ok." He pormised. But I didnt believe it. I just wanted 2 watch Da Ring nd overdosse with aspir **what an adorable pastime**  
Ed weeped and weeped (a/n if u dont luv sensiteve guyz den fukk off!) nd I fell asleep having nitemares abot prepz and babiez.**i can see it now attack of the 50 foot prep baby, it it'll make millions**  
XXXXXXXXXXX END CHAPTER 5 XXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
lol I BET U DINT EXPECT DAT  
WELL U WILL HAVE 2 WATE ND C WAT HAPPENZ.


	7. Chapter 7

a/n: FLAMMERZ BAK OFF.  
GOTHZ FANX 4 DA GUD REVIOWS. sorry dat i tuk so lung 2 updatt! ok i waz lissening 2 lenkin park nd i storted 2 ovrdose on pot, crak, maryajana nd koke.  
**coke an crack are the same thing and so are pot and marijuana i know that i haven't even considered using drugs**  
and i had 2 go 2 da hoospital for a week lol._hahaha_  
**yup nearly dying is sooo funny**  
CHAPTER 7  
The next day I woke up in the morning and opened my icy topaz eyes. I was covered in blood.**how did that happen?**  
Der was blood all over my bed.  
My rists had started cutting during the night while I was having nightmares _you are one talented lady_.**uh twila that only makes me more confused**  
I moaned smexily and got in the shower nd all da blood went down the drain all swirly nd stuff like in the movie "Pycho" (geddit lik part of mi name, btw if u dnt lik gorey moves lik dat den FUK OFF!).**excuse me while i go and beat my head against a wall**  
I had got sent the unform for fukking Mount Saint Preps Adacemy in the mail and I put it on suicidally.**mudder mudder**  
It was prep-pink with purple plaid and the skirt was realli long. **ya so long it actually covers your a****I got a knife and cut the skirt and made it really short. I also got a black sharppie and made the whole thing blak.**how long did that take **  
I put a bunch of MCR pins on it and sum safety pins. I made a bunch of rips in the shirt where my bobs go**twila, sweety the point of a uniform is to look, you know, uniform **  
and you could see my lazy blak bra._that thing just can't seem to stay up_  
I put up my long strait blak hair in a messy thing with spikes all shooting out and put on red ishadow with blak glitter in it **messy thing? did you mean a hair style?**  
When I got 2 school there were a million prepz there **that's one huge school** and I started tu cry gothically and give them the middle finger.**oh my gosh i can see this in my head, it is so funny**  
Plus I remembed that I was pregnant **wait you just remembered that, man you're dumb** and I screaming and all the stupid preps got scared and ran to tell the teachers who all wore pink.  
But they were all crowded arond some1 and gasping with orgasm _o.k then_ and bewildedfulness. _she and George Bush should meet some time, the can talk about the "bewildefullness" of the "internets"_I pushed through them giving them all dirty looks **why have you suddenly gained the powers of shadow cat from X-men** and saw who they were staring at. It waz. . ... Edword!  
"OMGOD**wait dosnt writing one of the full words kind of defeat the purpose of an abriviation**  
WTFRU!111 _is that on urban buecaause i'd love to know the definition_DOING HERE?" I shooted jumping into hir arms **edward's had a sex change operation **. All the teacherz got scared and ran away and kept looking at his beauty from the distance. _his, hers, who's to say_"Bby I just couldn't keep going to that skool without you. So I transferred here. That skool is just full of prepz now." _wow washington's really gone to hell _**wait isn't your "gofik" family there **  
He storted to sing "You Know Whot They Do 2 Guys Like Us In Pirson"**um, from what i have heard about the song and judging by the title the answer is... butt rape**  
to me and I loved him. I knew that he would alwez be there for me.  
"Byt he way Twi, ur not pregg." I couldn't beleive it! He told me that he had gotten me tested and I wasn't going to have a baby.**how does he know, the woman needs to be there to get tested, then again she "knew" she was pregnant without checking F**k logic**  
"I'm so glad lol." I was crying with joy. We ditched skool and dropped out._what a role model you are_  
We smoked drugs and alcolol outside _wait how do you smoke alcohol, even i can't find a loophole into the laws of physics _ and the prepz wished they were as cool as us. **this tells me you think of yourself as a rolemodel, dear god you aren't, first you get married at 16 then you almost get pregnant and despite this you cotinine with suicide attempts, self harm, drugs and alcohol, and dropping out of high school is just the cherry on top, really ** Things were getting back to the good way that they used to be and _ya man things used to be totally and back in the day_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX END CHAP  
ok sorri it wuz so shortt, im still in rehab from da incidenx so i need 2 get better 2 rite more of da good stuff LOL  
Bye.


	8. Chapter 8

a/n: OKSU GUYZ PREPSTOP FLARMING! **wait is that swedish or something **_please explain the scientific nature of "flarming"_siruisly if u fink mi grammer iZ BAD DEN FUKK U BITCH! DIS TORY IS GONG 2 MAK ME FAMOOSE SUM DAY ND IT WILL B SOLD IN LIBARIES  
OK SO WNH I AM A MELLONAIR U BITCHEZ KAN CUM CLAWRING 2 ME ND I WILL SAY FUKK U OK!_yes, the story has made you famous...in-famous that is _**that sounds wonderful there are only two teeny-tiny cracks in you amazing plan, one you can't make profit off of fanfictions and two YOU DON'T SELL BOOKS A LIBRARY**  
disclainer: btw, TWILIGT does not belung 2 me, it is by serpantie millerz, ok she wunt su me now.  
PLZ ENJOY GOTHEZ, DANX FOR DA GUD COMMENX. i am out of rebab soo i will b able 2 updat more arugato! OH ND fanx 2 Rodriga for helping me wif da spanish!**i went to a dual language school for 6 years, i am worried **  
U WILL C WHAT I MEAN LOL x666x  
CHAPTER 8  
"Twila . . . . . . . . . ."  
I kicked and whismered in my sleep as da voice got louder and louder. I was sleeping in bed with Edward, but I don't think he heard it because he didn't say he heard he was sleeping.**this has gotta be the most repetitive, "thank you captain obvious" worthy sentence i have ever heard**  
"TWILA, TILA!" said the voice screamingly. It sounded like an ugly old man, or it sounded like Midnite.**you can't distinguish you sister voice from that of a man wow either you're really dumb or she has a _very_ deep voice **_or both_  
I wazn't realli sure. I opened my eyes, which were like endless pools of beautiyful topaz _now i know this is a troll, it is right, i'm not crazy. o well, for now let's assume it's serious _. I looked around in the dark, but since I was a vampir I could see in the dark (a/n vampirs can see in the dark). _who would have guessed _** so that's how you saw that rosa/rosmare/rosalin's door was pink, that would have been helpful to know **I saw Ed next to me. His bornze hair was messy and sexah nd his pale skin glowed in the dark. He was silently singing "Da Hell Song" by sum-42 in his sleep._wait..ok..sure he was_  
"Hoes there?" I crapped poisonally**well that must be some potent poop**  
My long black hair whipped around me as I turned back and forth at da speed of light. I didn't c anyone there so I was fukking confused.  
**well considering that if traveling at the speed of light you wouldn't be able to ..neve meid, you're too stupid to teach, an that is coming from someone who plans to study education in college**  
I had on a silver nitegown with black linning, and blak lace all around da boobs. I was wearing blak stilettos nd had on tons of eyeliner that I had made cat eyes out of.**wait, wait you were wearing stilettos , to bed, whatever happened to slippers and even those usually come off when you actually lie down **

Then the voice contunued to shout, "Cum to me Tila Beautifu Psyco Topaz Cullen. OPEN UR EYES TILA TEQUALA FOR IT IS ME!"  
"WHAT?"! I shooted. "OK STOP FUKING AROND, WHO DA HELL IS ME?"_let's not get metaphysical twila _  
Then I looked next to my bed and saw hu was standing ther! It was. .. ... A MAN!**gasp, not**  
"What r u doing u effing pervert." I giggled foriously. "U now dat izn ot aportionate to b in a toung girlz rom?"_it's also not appropriate to get married when you're a teenager_  
**i'd love to be able to giggle ferociously****_, _****please tell me**  
"Hahahaa. Si, but I c dat you are lovers wif mi enemios." He said in Spanish.  
**that ain't spanish sweety pie, that's spanglish as it's worst **  
Suddenly Ed woke up and growled all ruff nd tuff. He shined his gloriosus teeth in the mans face nd he was temporerily blinded for life.**wild twila used oxymoron, it's super effective**  
"MY EYES!" the ugly man shotted. So I was right, it was an ugly man.  
**i almost fell out of my seat i was laughing so hard over the stupidity of the sentence**  
I got out of bed seducingly taking off my cloths. Edmard gasped all angry and sensative (a/n lol jealous hot bi guyz r so great) **I don't see how this fits into the situation but whatever **becauz I was getting naked in front of a strangler.**you, my ...well i am not sure if i want to call you my friend, are going to get kidnapped and raped someday because of you own stupidity **  
A lot of other stuff happened **well that's descriptive**  
and den we found out that da mans name was Jamesbut becuz he is Spanish they call him like HAmez.** if he was spanish would his name already be "hamez"** We found this out because I bribed him wif my body.**o god twla, TMI, just TMI**


	9. Chapter 9

a/n: OMG SOZ I TOOK SO LUNG 2 UPDATE. i kant realli say why but if u want tu know den msg me nd i'll tell u dat i had an emegency nd almost died from sallowing 5 bottles of aspirin lol. _ya lol_  
LOL GUEZZ WHAT, TU ALL OF U PPL WHO SAY DAT IM DUMB, MI PSYCOLGY TEACHER TOLD ME 2 IGNORE U **that nice **  
becuz ur just playing mind gamez 2 tri to make me fell bad abot miself. _omg twila your rgigt_i am not da losser in dis situaton**yes yes you are**!neway PREEPS STOP FLAMONG,**no it's too much fun** gothz tanx for da good stuff, MCR ROX!11 666  
CHAPTER 9  
Recap from Chapta 8: "I want to kill Bella becuz ..."**how is that a recap, i never herd that in the last chapter**  
"We kan help u wif dat." I said sexily.  
"Muy bean." (C IS DAT SPELLED WRUNG.)**yes and it's not the only thing **  
"I'll c u at dawn"  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
When I woke up again that morning I was ready to kill Bella._ciul i join you guys_  
It was dawn and Hamez had packed all of da supplies for killing.**what do you mean, guns, knives...body bags**?up (he had on white foundation, black eyeliner, and dis fake blood stuff that goes on ur face. i had on purple eyeshadow, lots of blakk, and drak lipstick.) Hamez tried to watch us get dressed but I told him that if he didn't fuck off I wouldn't help him kill that little bytch.  
So I didn't go 2 school but the preppy prinzipal was too scared to call nd ask why.**wait i thoght you dropped out, of course he/she/it wouldn't call to check on you**  
Ed didn't go eiver. I suddenly remebered Midnite and knew she would want 2 be involved too but she was on her honeymoon with Jaspa who I had told to love her or else I waz never gong to talk to him agen._sound's like the healthy foundations of a beautiful relationship_  
**u twla sweetie, you can't decide who you love and you can't make a person love somone else**  
While we were leaving secretely to Bella's house, I got sad becuase Ed and I didn't have a honeymoon.**well mabey that is because your STILL IN HIGH SCHOOL **_only maybe_ I started to cut my rists a little on da way there and I saw dat Ed looked worried.  
When we got there Hamez borke into the house and we went upstares to Bella's room. The whole thing was pink nd it reminded me of Roslyn's room. I storted 2 cry all hot and angsty because that's where I had caught her with my husband. _ya hot, sure I_ cut my rists some more but Hamez said "Shhh, we can't let her no we are at her casa._cuttin your wrist is a verr lound actvity_"**o dios mine more spanglish**  
She was sleeping all preppy_how do you sleep preppy _**hte same way you say sonting gothically ** nd there were posters of Ed on her walls._and i thougt edward was the stalker_ I ran over and tore them down wif my long, black nails. She was dreaming abot Ed and he started to get angry becuz he hated her.  
**posters of edd do you mean pictures or did edward have some sort of secret modeling career i don't know about **  
"Ok are u ready?" Hamez whimpered. "Here Tila you can take this sword.  
Eddie kan have the needle, itz full of cyanide."  
**wow ever her of overkill **_i'm just giggling right now_  
Well I was sad becuz I had alwez wanted to inject myself but I didn't say neithing because I knew they wuldnt understend. I storted to cry tears of blood and Ed gasped and started crying also with me.  
"Don't tell me . . . . ." he screamed wif depths of depression and pain in his voice.  
"Dat ur SAD shes going 2 die?"**Ed-nooooo twiaa dont dvolpe a concence translation no twila dond devlope a cocience ** "No you fukking retard. I'm sad because there are so many things dat I want in life but evry1 only cares about my bodi!"  
"It's not ur fault that u'r beautiful." He cried sexily hugging me_no, it's her fault she chose er genetic paht _. Hamez got scared becuz we were being loud but Beela didn't wak up.  
Suddenly we killed her.  
**well that was anti-climatic **_i was hoping for a little more ya know, description, blood maybe some writing on the ground _  
"Thank satan she's gone." we all said in unicorn.  
**don't you dare insult Shane Dawson's puppy, **  
Her body disintergrated into her bed which was all wet with blood.  
**wouldn't teh blood disintegrate ****_before _****the bones **  
We ate her bed so there would be no evidenze (lol geddit like evinezenze.)  
**yes because no one will notice she and her bed missing and clearly the bed is the only form of evidence, fingerprints, DNA though hair, shoe prints and possible witnesses don't count at all **  
And left before her mom could wake up.  
**she lives with her dad not her mom **_ya if there's one thing s'mires didn't do to defy her own cannon is change the arrangement of bellas parents halfway though the soty_  
When we got to da door there was someone blocking it suicidally.  
**not again **_yup they were standing in front of twila's giant speer _  
"CARLIZ?" we all scremed at once.  
**who's that**  
"Yes I can't take it anemore." he said breathing all crazy. He was looking at me! Edward put his hand around me like protection** the stuff you sholud have used when you "did it" **. "Why are u here dad? GET OUT." His eyes started 2 rage._wait, heis syes said this _  
"I'm here to take Tqila. I am gong to make her my bride. And we will live in da darkness forevamore hahaha!"  
**now craliz/carlos is a polygamist too**  
he laughed evilly in a gothic voice that I suddenly realized was sexy. Then I sterted to think.  
**twla's thinking o no it's the end of the world**  
"Wait now." I kommanded when Ed was about to kill Calile. DARKNEZZ FOREVERMORE?  
I thought beginning to have a mind change.  
**i didn't knw you had a mid to change **  
"Mebe that would be good for me you know? Because I need a vampir who can kepp me gothikally satisfied nd stuff."  
**gothckly satisifed that is just snort**  
EDWARD WAS HEARTBORKEN.  
He satired to scream at the top of his lungs as black venemoos blood poured out of him. _and you didn't get this on tape?_When a vampere gets ejected by da person that they truly love, there body storts to spazz all explosing like.**whut the S**t in f**k ** was misterious so I didn't let you know what was gong on in my thoughts lol.  
"Yeh dat sounds like a plain." I said sullenly joyfully to Carlise.  
**oxymorons at their finisit**  
He was surmised that someone like me would want to be with him.  
Everyone in the room screamed in surprise. "Plz plz just tell me what I did to make you want do leave me." said Ed having an ellipictic sezre on the floor.  
**a what now**  
But I didn't say anything still even though he was crying all too sensitive.  
"Ok." I finally gasped at Hamez. "Please just go along wif this. You'll see da true intestions of my plan soon."  
And I made him take Ed away. And then I went with Carl who was like "I'm so glad that u've made such a good choice," cackling all satanikally. We went 2 his house (STFU WE DIDNT EVEN DO ANTHING YET U FREAKIN PERVS.) And I knew what I had to do.  
**ewewew that's to gross even think about **  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX END CHAPP 9 XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


	10. Chapter 10

a/n: ok guyz, i no u hav all binwaden 4 mi updats butt i waz on tour wif FALLOUTBOYY becuz dey red mi story nd invited me 2 come wif them nd it wa relly kool!111**ya sure they did **  
YAH B JELOOZ! _yai'm not_ OK MCR AND FLLOUTBOYS ROCK! 666!  
CHAPTER 10  
"So kan u plez tell me for why u decided 2 grace me with ur presenze." said Carli **carly from i carly how dare you use my name i mean i's onl letter of but stiiln**smiling. I noticed how sexah he looked wif his violet contacts in. He loked like an older, hotter vision of Edward and Pete Wints.**who now **_ew who's pete wints _  
He was werring blak eyelinear** woe twila linear equations, i didn't even know you could add** that was gong down his face from da last time he cryed._he hasn't changed hsi eye make p since thne, why do i think that's worng_  
"Ur son has taken advantege of me to many times." I growled staring at him all gothik. Soddenly my vision when blak nd all I could c was blakness.**wow how did you come to that conclusion **_she's a genius _ i screAMED AND SCREMED becauz idid nt know what was happiening.**facepalm**  
Then I saw a vision of da antikrist nd i laughed dark and suicidally."Twila, I just read youre mind." shouted Calisi. No i said "becuse I just saw da anticirst?"_so you don't know if you saw the antichrist or not, i would have thought that would be a kind of definitive thing _**yes because that clearly prooves he didnt read you mind**  
"Yes, my tru form is Satan." He describd.**o lord have mercy**  
"Dat was me gonig into your thoghts and I saw the tru reazon why u came here with me."**good can you tell me what it is because i haven't figured it out yet**  
"Let me just tell u." I said sobbing becuz he had figered me out. "I kame here becuz... . . . .."  
"Because you wanted to make Edwat jealos." He said and I storted to cry. "How did u know?" I asked all deprezzed. He sed, "Becauz i just rad your mind"**wait a minute didn't he just say that like two senceces ago**  
Then all suddenly somebody knocked on Carlo's door. He lokked at me sadly nd opened da door and some gurl I didn't know jumped in. **o god i am really, truly terrified **  
"What is dis. Why r u here?" we both asked the girl. She was realli ugly and twolve yerz old nd was wearing a pink Kelly Klorkson shirt nd had frizzie blond hair nd an ugly face. "HAI GUYS MI NAME IS FIONA!" she scremed giggling nd walked into the house but Carlisa pushed her back out. "But u kan call me FIONAFIONA32."**WTF!**  
"Ew get da fukk out of here!" I shooted. "OMGZ ur such a prep." Me and Calri were both disgosted nd suddenly Edwoard appeared and bit her neck nd she stated to screm and bleed.  
I was sobbing becuz bleeding waz my gratest desire **anyone go a wooden stake, no, darn **  
but my doktor sed if i cut miself anymroe I would die nd Edard would be sad._ant tha't all you care about? _ Anyway, Fona died on the flor and her body shirveled up and rotted away.  
Edward came in and got in a stand-off wiv his dad.**wait i thought he was already in the room and the word standoff makes me think of cowboys **_"cowboy music" _  
"Plz plz stop." I said still crying. They were both killing each other**um i am not going to go into how rediculouy that is** nd their makup waz running down the faces. "I'm soz Ed. I didn't mean 2 hurt you I just wanted you to be jealuz. I doon't want to be with ur dad, kan u please take me home." **well isnt that romantic**  
Edward was so relived but Carlise was crying angrily and he storted to transform. "NO!11" he yelled. "Nobody kan reject Satan. DO U HEAR ME TILA, I AM STAN!1"**o no run for your lives it's Stan **_whoever this stan person is i'm sure he's no match for satan _  
"Yah I know." I said roling my eyez. But he kame running at me and I kicked him and he feel over moaning.**i'd figure stan/saten/carlos would be tougher than that **  
Me and Ed left him there and walked out helding handz while "Thnx fr da MEMRS" played in the bakkground **first of all what is with the random montage and second i like that song...o no i have something in common with twila, this is horrible **(a/n FAGG OT **that is NOT a nice word twila **_shame on you_BOY FUKKING ROKKS!1  
IF U DUNT LIK DEM THEN GO KILL URSELF FUKK U! FALLOT BOY 4EVA).**o i see the insult have raceted up in their intencity **  
I had an invasion in my head** by who the british army **_maybe the russians?_  
"sudenly while we where walking of da Antikrist saying "This is not over Twila, this weil never be over. Bitch" But I blooked it out becuz I knew I was stronger dan him.**kill me now.**  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX END CHAP10 XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


	11. Chapter 11

a/n: HAM EVRY1 **samatha pukket does not approve **

ITZ BEEN 4EVAR!1 my mom trid to make me wear a drezz n i had a tanttrum n brok da computer n slit muh ritz. but no we got a new one lolz?**you are a spoiled brat**  
neway TONX **stay awy from tonks or you'll have a real wherewolf after you**FOR DA REVEWS WHILE I WAZ GONE, FUKK ALL U PREPS WHO HATE MI STORI! I SWERE ILL GET SATAN TO KILL U IN UR SLEEP U FUKKING POZERS!**correction from "chapta" 5 ****_this _****is the most ridiculous thing i have ever herd **  
666 XXX MCR STILL ROX!11 XXX  
CHAPTER 11  
The next day I was walking 2 Hot Tonic wif suddenly out of nowhere Hamez appered out of da blue. _for the first tme in my lfe i have no idea what to say about that _

"Hi," we said gothically. But he looked very angery for some raisin.**they took the ginger raisin, sorry inside joke**  
"Would you mind if I killed you,"_um let me think, no_ **what the f**k kind of question is that?**  
he storted to sing from dat song by Withen Temptortion. "OMG STOP!111" Edward screamed jumping in front of me. I was so confuzed becuz I did nut know what was going on._join the club_ Then I realized Hamez was trying to kill us.**so aperantly him asking i he could kill you ws no indication of this **_ya that couldn't have tipped her off_  
"Why would u do such a thing you- you sick dirtbag!" I cried wearing a long black satan skirt wif black leather boots and a ripped fishnet ponchu over a black velvet bra with red skullz. _you weren't wearing a shirt?_**yes someone just tried to kill me i think i'll describe my slutty outfit now **  
Mi makup was ruining down my pale pale face. BECUZ I WAS WEEPIGN.**i thogu it was because you were sweating really hard **  
"Now that Bellar is dead I don't ned your help." Hamez said as he also sobbed. "I don't want 2 do this but I have to. I'm afroid that . . . . . . . . . . . ."  
"I DARE U TO FINNISH THAT SENTENCE." Edmond muttered at the top of his lungz._how do you muddrr at hte top of your lungs even i cnat find a way to get aroud that _  
He turned into a bat and flew at Hamez but Victor leaped in front of him.**who the hell is victor **_i was going to ask the same question _  
"Who are you?" we all screamed exempt Hamez becuz she was his gf.**if he has a girlfrend then why did "hamez" seduce twila **_maby to ghet the nuclear lance code, o wait i'me thinking of a russian bond villaness _ She had jumped out of da trees. Then we decided 2 make up because we had no reason to fight (A/N maybe later u will find out what hamez was goona say be4 lolol.)_maybe we will but judging by how well you keep your promise to not go back to rehab, i doubt it _  
Vikroya was wearing a realli sexah outfit**aw man no paragraph long description, no fare **_sexier than your, legasp _  
and Edward saw me looking at her and got realli jealouuz. He storted 2 make out wif Hamez to get bakk at me. "Oh no WHAT HAVE U DONE, OMG YOU FREAKING ARSE." Vikky shooted at my busband.**like a husband for bees**  
"You just entered da pakt with Hamez." That was when we found out dat whenever someone kissez Hamez they get binded to him for da rest of eternity. "WTF that's so random."**i agree**  
I laffed satanically. Edward looked realli scarered but I just said "It's okay, I like bi guyz so you can be with him too."  
Vikky disappered becuz she was mad that Edward stole her boyfreend._wait there is not indication that "hamaz" liked edward_ Then me, Edward and Hamez had to preform a special marriage cermoney for the 3 of us to all be together. **more polygamy, great** We all wore lots of black. "That is all." said Hamez looking at me flirty. "Now we have 2 seal the pact by dranking sum blood."**of f**ing course **_wai i thogu this was a fenship pact_  
We all had an orgay**what's that a gay orgy** your guess is a good as minend went out to found a whorewolf** le gasp! **und were about 2 kill it when I relized it was Jakob.**how, have you ever seen him in his wolf form** He changed back into a person and I gasped. His long blak hair had purple and silver streakz in it, his skin was ten shads lighter, and he was wering an Alezana tshirt wif tight blak pantz._you lost that tan fast, i knew it was fake_**no not you to jacob**  
"Omg Jake, um." I said shy and sexy. "Hi u look realli good?**how is that a question?** _do you look really good because i cant tell_"  
"Thanx i got a new style" he said and looked at all of us. "Since you killed my dad I got real hordcore. Hey guyz can I join ur pakt."**you wnat to become freinds wit the people who killed you dad? **_becaue rebecca, he's hardcore now _  
We had a sekret goffic huddle **goooo team , break **_it's not secret if he's standing behind you watign it _  
nd thout about it but they got angry and said no. _you cant joing our club jacob(sticke out toung0_Jakob storted to cry becuz we had killed his dad and now we owed him. _in twila world, you ken of do _But Vikatora rolled her eyez, "Yea thatz karma" she pissed._ew not in public_  
But then he turned back in2 a wolf and tried to attack us. I turned into a bat and flew out of tha way but Hamez waz too slow.  
I screamed suicidally as Jakabob **what the hell this is like the seventh time someone did something suicidally **  
was about to tear apart Hamz who suddenly shooted "IF I DIE THEN U ALL DIE, REMEMBER DA PAKT WE ARE TOGETHER 4 EVER." We were all horrorfied at dis.**i'd be too**  
So we had to save him but we got all cut up but Edward said "Its okay Twi, you look exy with blood on you."  
So we ran away and Jake got lost in the woods.**how would that happen doent wherewolvs have canine insticts **  
XXXXXXXXXXXX FIN CHAPTER 11 XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**it's almst over fnaly**


	12. Chapter 12

a/n: ok r u redy 4 more?**(cowers in a corner) ready as i'll ever be **_um sure_  
becuz sum certain bitch prepz were comploining i got more editars ok!1GET OVER IT!  
dansk 2 everyon hu lieks it! **so that would be no one **  
kep reding LOL GOFFS rULE FOREVER.  
CHAPTER 12  
Four days past and I relized that I didn't love Edwart anymore _of course you don't_.**of course you don't love edward; it's edward you love **_ i'm pretty sure it's a sign on an unhealthy relationship when you can't even remember to name of the person you're married too_  
I couldn't beleve it miself. I woke up in da morning wif black tearz of deep sorrowfull endless evol depression **woh those are some bad a** tears**all crying down mah face.**tears don't cry, you cry tears, you idiot **I put on some Metalika musik nd cut rist.**of corce you did **_i think there's a medical term for what she has it's called FGS, fake goth syndrome_  
"Twila are u in there?" someone whimpered from outside my room. I gasped. It sounded like Ed.  
But I just turned up the song and sang allong 2 it, screming "HOLD MI BREATH AS I WISH 4 DETH, OH PLEASE SATAN, WAKE ME" (a/n arent dose lyricz so menengful.)**no, no there not there**_ some of the least meaningful lyrics ever written, so there _  
"OH FUKKIN SATAN NO WHAT R U DOING IN THAR!1111" Edward exploded crying_with a 70 mph discharge,the splintery shrapnel killed manny, injured manny more and confsed millions across the globe _ becaus he knew what this meant.**well he is the only one I for one have no idea what is going on and my IQ is around 135 **  
He knew that I didn't want to c him because I had fallen out of love.**and how dose he know that**_ "edwart" is psycic_  
"Darkness imprizoning me," I wept sadly. "All that I see- absulote HORROR I KANNOT LIVE- I KANNOT DIE!"_that's how i feel when i read your cr**py fanfic_**i don't even know what to say **  
Sullenly the door broke down and a bunch of people kame in. It waz all da Cullens who were still alive n Jake (he had found hiz way out of da woods).  
They all storted to pin my hot body down so I could nut move.**o god that's just...eww **  
"WTF ARE YOU DOING ASSHOLES." I shrieked. My rists were bleding everywhere. "NOW THE WORLD IS GONE ND I'M JUST ONE, OH SATAN HELP ME."**wait if "carlos" is actually satan would "saten" be included in the cullens who are attacking you **_she cant accept that calos is the ultamate manafitation of evil, it is a hard ting to process_  
They turned off da musik nd I fainted._quick melba get the smallign salts_ "You can't do this Twi." They looked all serious. "We all entered da pakt by making out wif Hamez."**o god ew i feel sick**  
They said nodding. I gasped again. "And Twila, u can't deny ur felines for Ed."**yup whe can't deny the kitties she gave him**  
"Remember the pakt is that if you die, we all die." I woke up and asked "Yeah. But isn't the pakt just me Ed Hamez and Victory. What's gong on?" **wait how did you hear all this if you were alsleep**_mabey she got woke up buy the giant gong _  
"I know lol," I promised. "I fink it was just a fase I just went thru."**next week she'll fall back out of love with him**  
But then Carloyle stepped forward looking at me all weird. "Nu," he laughed darkly.  
"I told u it wasn't over Twila Beautiful Psycho Topaz Sad'ness Damian Cullen.**no, her name grew AGAIN!**_it's mutated_  
I was trying to make you not love my son wif my powerz so you would kome back to me."  
"Well letz celebrate." Jake screamed.**well that wasn't random at all**  
"Twila doesn't want you Carl. You need to get over it."_a words of wizdom indeed_  
"You really seem to understnad me?"**He does?** Carlisse froned confusedly at Jake.  
"No one has ever realli understood me."  
So we all went to Vegass and had a party and came back to Washerton_ let's hope that this stste ha more qulait scools_.**how long did that take** Carlile and Jake got marred there**...what the fudgesicles **  
Then Jake died sadly in an axident _yes an "axident"_ so Carliel got remared to Esmie.**well he moves on quickly**  
"Twila this place isn't safe." Edward told me that nite. "Did u see what happened to Jake, we need to go someplace safer. I know a safe place for vampirs it's called Black Cavern of Bloody Despair."**yes because that sound sooo much safer(rolls eyes)**_mabey it's a misnomer like the gates of hell or the garden of torture or greenland_  
"Den letz leave at dawn." I said staring at him deeply wif my eyes. "_gee twila i thogu you stared at him deeply with your nose _We kan start a new goffic life."**aww how romantic**  
"Okay he said."  
xXxXxXxXxXxXxX END xXxXxXxXxXxXxX**thank havens. i pray to all that is good and holy that this is a troll fic otherwise...i fear of the fate of humanity **_eather way as long as this charter doen't breed, i think we're good _

**A/n: so finally this shit-fic is done , stay tuned for when for my friend and i will try to struggle though my immortal **


End file.
